yesternight

yesternight

last night.

Almost (a poem)

Almost

Itching to be with the universe in a pool of mercury, flying along with the rest of the world at unimaginable speeds somewhere in space…
I came to rest in this heaven with you to be mangled and mashed up and mixed up in you.
We are part of the fern and part of the dung of the fawn as it grows and it runs and its spots fade and it becomes more alert. We are a floating speck of pollen in a field that no one has ever seen in the middle of a thick dark forest.
I cried with no movement or change in breath. Deep heavy tears down my cheeks to meet at my chin and slowly roll down to the heart. Tears like thick dark warm blood used to paint life in dark coffee brown stain.

Audrey’s prophecy

She crept up behind the old rocking chair, keeping her eye on the woman’s right hand. The old woman’s index finger twitched to a silent rhythm and as long as it continued Audrey knew the she was still asleep. She didn’t want her to wake, not yet.

Deep in the bowels of the house Jack was lost. It was dark and wet and everything echoed. He felt along the walls, his hands exploring the cold wet concrete, entering into deep cracks and flinching quickly back out. He was alert and in the moment, aware of every noise and movement. He knew he must hurry, but it was impossible, there was no way to see and he kept feeling rather large animals run past and through his legs. What kind of animal, he wouldn’t let himself wonder, he was rounding a corner and the concrete turned to wood, this had to be progress.

Audrey was tense, her jaw was clamped shut so tight it ached and her delicate artist’s hands were clenched so tightly that her short fingernails were drawing blood from the palms of her hands. It was intoxicating to be this close to her goal, her deepest desire, and something inside her wanted to savor every moment.

Jack tripped and slammed his shin into something very hard and very sharp, he buckled over and stifled a yell by putting his open mouth over his knee. His hands cupped over his shin as he waited for the urgent pain to subside. He knew he had hit concrete stairs and he would have quickly climbed them if he wasn’t in so much pain at that moment. He felt the strange animals all around him, they were close and they were still. He sensed they were concerned but quickly he changed his mind and felt they were waiting for him to fall so that they could devour him.

Audrey pulled her knife out of her boot. She felt the hilt in her hand, a familiar feeling. Many nights she’d hold this knife, the only thing she had that had ever been touched by her father, she cherished it. This woman would die and Audrey would be free. Very soon.

Jack climbed the stairs and nothing followed him. Whatever ran around him in the basement was staying down there. He knew Audrey was here, he felt her, he just hoped he was in time.

The woman’s finger was still twitching in time to some unheard funeral march. Audrey filled her body with such hate she felt as if pure fire pulsed through her veins, she was power. Audrey was ready, she was born for this and she could wait no more.

(anyway, i’m done now, gonna go eat dinner…whatever.)

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exsmarting

exsmarting

spying.

resternaut

resternaut

restaurant.

lovers (a song)

this is the end of the line

for us
for you for me
for everything that we believed
was good was right was absolute
it’s over now for me and you

why

is this this the end of the line

you know it took us quite awhile
to get to here to hardly smile
to look each other in the eye
and cry

where’d we go so far away
from where we both began that day
so young so wild and full of life
it’s then that i became your wife

why

is this the end of the line

this is the end of the line

for us
for you for me
for everything that we believed
was good was right was absolute
it’s over now for me and you

why

is this the end of the line

-amyjane (for Sundown Machine)

visions (a song)

This mountain
is folding
underneath me

I’m a river
carving patterns
in all that I see

You can have it
if you want it
just come and see me

Pushing flowers
into waters
as wild as the sea

I’m an ancient
monolithic
super-being

I can change you
into patterns
and weave you into me

keep holding on to me.

-amyjane (for Sundown Machine)

Coma

I’m not sure what it was in particular about the small pink shell she so carefully held in her cupped hands. To me it seemed to glow a little, to almost hum…visually. What I do know for certain is that something about it was making her giggle, uncontrollably.

I sat down on the rocky sand behind her and pulled her into my lap. I peered over her shoulder and into her hands. She was shaking from her giggling and I was starting to worry she’d never stop. The shell was sending out pulses, I could see it. It would glow brightly, humming and then fade a little…she’d laugh louder.

I pulled her hair back and asked her to put it down.

“I can’t” she said.

“But you must try.” I said. “We need to go and that thing is freaking me out, you’ll need to leave it here.”

There was sand stuck to her legs from when she knealt on the beach just moments before when she had found the shell. I noticed she was quite tan and for an overcast day, this surprised me a little.

“No.” she said.

I raised my eyebrows.

“I want to keep it.” she said.

“But can you let it go?” I asked her.

“I don’t even think I can.” she said.

I put my arms around her and cupped my hands under hers. She didn’t move, other than her giggle-shakes.

“Drop it into my hands.” I said.

“Mom, I can’t. I just can’t seem to move really.” She said.

“I’ll try and take it then.” I said.

“No, don’t…I need to get up, I think, to go for a walk.” She said.

She stood easily, and giggling she started walking towards the water. I was quite alarmed. I followed her with the intention to knock the shell out of her hands and just deal with her surprise, and maybe anger, afterwards.

She had gone into the water to just below her knees and suddenly she turned to face me, her face glowing with a big smile and loving eyes.

“Now, you stay here.” She said. “I’ve got to help somehow.”

As I raised my hand to reach out to her in protest she suddenly was nearly 2 yards out to sea from where she just was, still the water was just below her knees. My heart pounded. I began to rush toward her.

“Stay.” She blew this word to me, as a gentle wind.

I felt sedated and things became slow. I could see her clearly, facing me, hands cupped and sand still on her knees. Her hair was all about her, whipping wildly in some strange wind I could not feel. What was happening, my daughter, my love…my everything, giggling above the sea impossibly…controlled by something that seconds ago I could have just snatched away from her. What had I done.

Given my everything to the sea.

“You worry so. Sleep Mother.” She said through the wind.

I dreamed.

We were at the beach. My daughter was running ahead of me and had just dropped to her knees. She had found something. I ran up to her and crouched beside her.

“Oh look, Mom…how beautiful.” She said as she picked it up.

A small pink shell.

She started to giggle.

lillian

she was a vision
but there was something
a ghostly etching
a stifled scream
drawn on her
somehow.

John’s Secret…work in progress

Years of erosion had left the foundation exposed on the old cabin near the river. John was out there on this cool day, out looking for his dog again. He did this monthly ever since Chopper went missing over a year ago. No one ever goes out there except John. The ground is wet, you sink in it, things just aren’t what they seem in that part of the wood near the river….

John was tired. He was stumped about the whereabouts of Chopper. It just wasn’t normal. A wind picked up and found itself a path through the wood straight to John. He shivered and lifted himself up the 4 feet to the door of the cabin. It was much dryer inside than he thought it would be…after all these years.

Apparantly, he had fallen asleep because he awakened to the laughter of children. It took him some time to figure out where he was. His body was stiff. There was nothing but walls and floor in that cabin and so he had fallen asleep leaning against the back wall, facing the doorway, on the floor.

Through the doorway he saw many sunrays and the sparkles of dust that happens in them that always reminded John of magic. He heard laughter and occasionally saw a flutter of something way past the door, out there in the sun. It reminded John of a giant bird.

“It must be children.” John thought out loud.
He stood up.

John crossed over the uneven floor of the cabin to the doorway and sat down with his legs dangling over the side. He could definitely see 3 children playing around some large trees about a yard in front of him. They were running and laughing. He could hear them shouting to each other but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. The sun was reaching to him now, just touching his legs. The children had noticed him, they had gotten much quieter and they were sort of stalking him, running from tree to tree getting ever closer.

*edit … unfinished, i know, it will probably remain so…it was just an exercise and i am not too terribly inspired to finish it. (7/07)